Sanguine -adj- optimistic or positive, especially in an apparently bad or difficult situation.

In seven hours, I am getting on an airplane to go to San Francisco.
Then in a few days, Bangkok.
Then for a few years, Somewhere-in-Thailand.

Countless events have led up to this– it’s really astounding.
And I’m not sure what to make of it anymore than the people who’ve been asking me questions about What It Is I’m Doing. You may have a clearer idea of what it is I am doing than I do presently– I feel like I am in a dream.

So I’ve made a list of the few things I DO know presently. This is my self-care, this is my bandaid, this is all of the intangibles I hope to carry to my new and exciting life:

  1. I am deeply loved by many people. These people– varying in intimacy– have elevated me so much during this experience. It is all of you that I lean on and all of you that I eagerly look forward to sharing this experience with. Thank you. I love you.
  2. I am capable and willing. If you’ve seen me crying and wallowing in self-doubt as much as I have been, you’ll understand why this bears saying aloud.
  3. I am committed to this. I have wanted to do this since I was a little girl. I’ve never been so sure and afraid of a life choice as I am currently. I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff and everyone is telling me “Jump! You’ll be fine!” but I don’t even have a parachute and I’m looking around frantically and the vertigo is so palpable and then suddenly, I get pushed. And somehow I knew all along that I wanted to jump? And that I had been preparing for such a careless jump for a really long time? I’m not sure this makes sense to you or to anyone, certainly it makes no sense to me.

 

Here we go
XOXO

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