Packing my entire life into two suitcases with a 100lb weight limit seems odd. It seems impossible. It seems unreal.
It seems reductive, also, because in reality my entire life spills over in to every relationship I am a part of, every experience I’ve had leading up to this, every moment of reeling that I am feeling so thoroughly now. How can I possibly pack my sense of adventure? Alone, it could take up every inch of space I’ve been allotted! My uncertainties? My joy? They simply cannot fit in alongside everything else I will surely need. And what of my friendships? Ah, this strikes a tender nerve. Intangibles are much trickier to bring along when they are inexplicably tied to loved ones.
The reality is that there are many ties that I am unable to bring in any tangible way to my new home in Thailand. Sure, I will bring the photos. I will write down the addresses and scribble down important dates and hug and kiss and cry with my humans but in the end, their absences will be felt deeply. Absences I cannot and will not be able to fill. This reality makes me ache for the people I haven’t even left yet.
And so I am working on reframing this all. Working on thinking creatively about how to pack away the knowledge that I’ve actually said goodbye to everyone I love countless times already– in coffeeshops, in classrooms, in homes. I’ve been saying goodbye and hello in a constant stream for 23 years. Each time I leave, I send my love and my longing and my warm wishes to the people who elevate me. I am humbled and honored to have the privilege to know people who love deeply, unconditionally– they are what I have come from. So I am working on taking this all with me, as I’ve subconsciously already been doing.
I am working on recognizing how lucky I am to even have this problem with packing.